I want to walk on stilts...naked
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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