Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My ass is underappreciated
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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