dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
