i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
