Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
