i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
