I accidentally burped into my bong.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
