When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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