We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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