i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
