4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
