Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
