She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
