...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
