If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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