Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize