just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
