i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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