I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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