At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
