you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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