Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize