it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
