so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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