bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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