you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
