I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i have two assholes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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