I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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