if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
