Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
