wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
