dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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