Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
how drunk are you?
Several
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
