Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
