i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
