Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
