I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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