Plan B is the new Plan A
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
