I'm really into asian looking animals
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
