Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
