I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
