I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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