I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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