You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
