Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize