two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
