I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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