I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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