I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
