Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
