What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
