Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
