am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
