If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
