well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
