we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
