Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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