8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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