oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
