sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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