turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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