Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
