The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
