i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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