i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize