hotel room ftw
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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