Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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