Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
