my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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