It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
