First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
