i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize