it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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